Can This Simple Sex Ritual Keep You and Your Partner Satisfied After a Night Out?

In this edition of "How I Do It", we delve into the intimate life of 38-year-old Calvin*, a married father of two, who shares candid insights into balancing parenthood with a fulfilling sex life. Calvin explains how he and his wife, Marie*, navigate their busy lives while trying to maintain intimacy, highlighting the challenges and triumphs of their relationship.

Last updated: 25 October 2023 (BST)

What’s happening now

Calvin and Marie are currently in a phase where they are actively working on their relationship amid the demands of parenthood. They find that while their sex life may not be as frequent as they would like, they are dedicated to nurturing their connection through communication and shared experiences. With their busy schedules, they often have to find creative ways to maintain intimacy, making the most of the time they have together.

Key takeaways

Calvin and Marie have been together since 2017 and married since 2021.
They have two young children and report having sex about twice a week.
The couple sometimes experiences dry spells of up to three weeks.
Communication is pivotal for them in maintaining intimacy and connection.
They prioritise spontaneity and playfulness to keep their sex life exciting.

Timeline: how we got here

Calvin and Marie's relationship has evolved since they first got together in 2017. Here are key milestones in their journey:

2017: Calvin and Marie start dating.
2021: The couple ties the knot.
2023: They welcome their second child, making parenting a central focus.

What’s new vs what’s known

New this week

This week, Calvin shared a glimpse into their evolving intimacy, indicating that while they strive for a more adventurous sex life, work and childcare often take precedence. They have recently managed to have sex more frequently than usual, which has contributed positively to their relationship satisfaction.

What was already established

Calvin has previously mentioned the impact of their busy schedules on their sex life, revealing that they sometimes go weeks without intimacy. He acknowledges the importance of communication to prevent complacency and maintain their connection.

Impact for the UK

Consumers and households

Calvin's experience reflects a common narrative among UK parents, where balancing work and family life can challenge intimacy. As many couples feel the strain of childcare responsibilities, understanding and communicating about sexual needs becomes crucial in maintaining healthy relationships.

Businesses and jobs

For busy parents like Calvin and Marie, workplace flexibility can play a significant role in alleviating stress and allowing for more quality family time, which can subsequently lead to improved relationships and personal satisfaction.

Policy and regulation

As discussions around parental leave and work-life balance continue in the UK, the experiences of couples like Calvin and Marie underscore the need for policies that support family life, allowing parents to nurture both their children and their relationships.

Numbers that matter

2: Average times per week Calvin and Marie have sex.
3 weeks: The longest dry spell they experience due to busy schedules.
4: The age of their son.
2: The age of their daughter.
1: Number of formal events in the week that inspired a night out together.

Definitions and jargon buster

Intimacy: A close familiarity or friendship; closeness, particularly in the context of physical and emotional connection.
Dry spell: A period of time during which no sexual activity occurs.

How to think about the next steps

Near term (0–4 weeks)

Calvin and Marie may want to focus on scheduling regular date nights to foster intimacy, ensuring they have dedicated time for each other away from their parenting responsibilities.

Medium term (1–6 months)

Exploring new activities together, whether it be classes or hobbies, could help them reconnect and inject excitement back into their relationship.

Signals to watch

Increased communication about desires and needs.
Regularly setting aside time for each other.
Reactions to stressors from work and parenting responsibilities.

Practical guidance

Do

Prioritise communication about sexual needs and desires.
Schedule regular date nights to maintain intimacy.
Be playful and spontaneous in everyday interactions.

Don’t

Neglect the importance of intimacy in the relationship.
Allow work and parenting stress to overshadow connection.
Take each other for granted; make an effort to show appreciation.

Checklist

Set a weekly date night.
Have daily check-ins to discuss your day and feelings.
Plan a weekend getaway when possible.
Explore new activities together to strengthen your bond.
Check in on how each other feels about your intimacy.

Risks, caveats, and uncertainties

While Calvin and Marie appear to have a strong foundation in their relationship, the pressures of parenting and work can introduce stress that may affect intimacy. Every couple faces unique challenges, and what works for one may not work for another. As their children grow, their needs and dynamics may shift, necessitating ongoing adjustments in their approach to intimacy.

Bottom line

Calvin and Marie's experience illustrates the importance of communication and effort in maintaining intimacy amid the challenges of parenthood. While they may not have the most active sex life, the quality of their connection remains strong. As they navigate their busy lives, the key is to prioritise their relationship and ensure they make time for one another.

FAQs

How often do Calvin and Marie have sex?

Calvin and Marie report having sex about twice a week, but they sometimes experience dry spells lasting up to three weeks.

What challenges do they face in their sex life?

The couple faces challenges due to their busy schedules as working parents, which can make it difficult to find time for intimacy.

Why is communication important for their relationship?

Communication is crucial for Calvin and Marie to maintain intimacy and connection, helping to prevent complacency and ensuring both partners feel valued.