Why Did the Nurse Touch My Hair During My Smear Test?

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Understanding Unsolicited Touching: A Personal Narrative

It was supposed to be a routine appointment. I was at my cervical screening, an experience that many find uncomfortable. However, I entered feeling somewhat calm, aided by a nurse who was chatty, warm, and inviting. We engaged in small talk about the weather, kids, and holidays, which helped to ease the tension surrounding the screening. We got through the difficult part, where cells are removed from the cervix, and I was able to dress myself afterward. I felt safe and secure in that environment.

Until it didn’t. Just as I was slipping my other foot into my flip-flop, preparing to leave, the nurse unexpectedly ran all four of her fingers through my hair. No warning, no permission—just a hand fondling my braids while she cooed about how lovely they were. This was moments after her hands had been in my nether regions. I froze, my body tensed in a way it hadn’t during the screening itself. I felt as if I crumbled inside, made to feel small and different, as if I were an ‘attraction’ rather than a person.

What just happened? I thought to myself. A medical professional had crossed a line I hadn’t even known needed defending. She had entered my personal space without consent, disregarding any cultural differences that existed between us. I felt exposed and violated, as if someone had claimed ownership over a part of me that was not public property—my hair. The unsolicited touching of Black hair is not new, but it is an exhausting, persistent microaggression that often arrives shrouded in curiosity.

The Impact of Unsolicited Touching

These experiences are not isolated. They echo in the lives of many individuals who have faced similar violations. I recall a moment when I was taking my son to school and a fellow parent stroked his newly cut head as if he were a puppy. My son looked up at me, confused and uncomfortable. Although he was too young to articulate his feelings, I could see it in his eyes: 'Why did she do that?' He is now vehemently against anyone touching his head.

Another instance occurred when I was heading into a potential funders meeting at work, my hair freshly washed and styled. A colleague passed by and exclaimed, 'Oh, I love the new hair,' before reaching out to run her fingers through my curls. It was as if the compliment gave her permission to breach a boundary that should have remained intact.

At a business event, dressed up and feeling confident, a fellow speaker remarked on how 'fun' my hair looked and reached out to touch it before I could step back. The experience left me feeling diminished, as if no matter how I presented myself, I would always be viewed as 'other.' But perhaps the most shocking incident happened when a stranger literally reached through the open window of my car and stroked my daughter’s curls. I was left speechless; my daughter was terrified. We both felt violated.

The Underlying Issues

This isn’t just about hair; it never was. The unsolicited touching of Black hair is deeply rooted in a sense of entitlement. It reinforces the belief—conscious or not—that Black bodies are curiosities, existing for consumption and commentary. Such actions teach our children that their boundaries don’t matter, that their discomfort isn’t valid, and that their autonomy is optional. This is dangerous territory. When children grow up constantly having parts of themselves touched, questioned, or commented on without consent, it chips away at their sense of safety.

Such experiences teach children to tolerate intrusion and to question whether they are being too sensitive. They learn to wonder if they are the problem for not wanting to be handled like a museum exhibit. Reflecting on the day the nurse touched my hair, I regret not addressing it in the moment. I had been caught off guard yet again. If I could relive that moment, I would firmly state: It is not okay to touch someone’s hair without their permission. Not ever.

Setting Boundaries and Promoting Respect

Not because 'it looks soft' or 'it’s just so different,' but simply because consent is crucial. The solution is straightforward: just ask. Or better yet, resist the urge altogether. Respect is silent, consensual, and deeply felt. It doesn’t require explanation or negotiation. It is enough to recognize that if the answer could be no, perhaps the question shouldn't be asked at all.

For me, this journey is about raising my kids in a world where their boundaries are honored. It’s about creating space for Black individuals to exist without being touched, commented on, or reduced to mere sources of inspiration. We are whole; we are human. We deserve to feel safe in our bodies and in our hair.

Creating Change Through Advocacy

This is why I chose to complain to the surgery. Thankfully, my speaking up resulted in positive change. All surgery staff will now be required to complete Equality, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI) and cultural sensitivity training in hopes that such incidents do not recur. This feels like a ripple effect—a way of taking my negative experience and transforming it into an opportunity to create change. For that, I am grateful, despite the fact that it was an appointment I would have preferred never to have attended.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I do if someone touches my hair without permission?

If someone touches your hair without your consent, it’s important to assert your boundaries. Politely but firmly, let them know that touching your hair is not acceptable without permission. You have every right to protect your personal space.

How can I educate others about respecting personal boundaries?

Education starts with open conversations. Share your experiences and explain why unsolicited touching can be harmful. Encourage discussions about consent and personal space, especially in schools and community environments.

What are some ways to be an ally to marginalized communities?

Being an ally involves listening to and amplifying the voices of marginalized communities. Support their efforts, respect their boundaries, and challenge behaviors that normalize entitlement over personal space. Advocate for changes in policies and practices that promote respect.

In conclusion, the experiences I shared highlight the need for awareness and respect around personal boundaries, especially regarding the touching of Black hair. It’s essential to cultivate an environment where individuals feel safe and respected in their identities. By educating ourselves and advocating for change, we can foster a culture of consent and respect. How can you contribute to creating a more respectful environment for everyone? #PersonalBoundaries #CulturalSensitivity #RespectAutonomy

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